Okay, so finally I will write...

I know, I have been in South America since March 6th. However for some reason I have found it too difficult and time consuming to write much. I have a journal that I have written in a few times, but not many. I have this blog, which I am only writing in now because I have finally figured out how to use it (thats my excuse).
Some people really love blogging. Why? I mean I enjoy reading other people's blogs a lot. Especially when I know the person. It's like a little door into that person's heart and mind. But gosh, who would want a door to my mind? And to be honest, if you know me at all you know my heart. I have a lot of passion, a lot of honesty (sometimes too much, I have come to learn) and a lot of compassion and love.
Lately though, at least toward the beginning of my trip, that passion seemed to show itself less. I had begun to really wonder, before coming to Peru, where did my heart go? Where has that ache I get when I feel really strongly about something? I think every person should have that passion, and I will never loose it. Coming to Peru, and traveling in general, has only stoked it more. My eyes are open, and my heart is on my sleeve.
It began with my departure from Reagan National Airport. I got to Miami and then my flight got delayed, then that flight got delayed, and finally after spending two days in Miami, I got to Peru sometime in the evening. I'm thinking, so this is why people don't travel!
Now relieved to have landed in my destination, I started to actually feel the excitement. Also I was nervous, mainly because people I knew had built it up to be such a big deal, traveling to South America solo is SO DANGEROUS. Well, it is risky, but i have faith in my judgement and it can be done if you are smart. Somehow I manage to explain to my taxi where I was trying to go, and I arrived to Horizon (my volunteering organization) with some lovely people sitting on the stoop waiting for me with open arms. I look back and it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to think of Daniel, Krista, Vanessa and Hjalte, some of my first friends in Peru.
After that initial excitement wore off I was sort of like, what now? Why am I here anyway?
It wasn't really to make friends, it wasn't to save the world. I was there because I wanted a different experience, which seems to be always what I am longing for. Constantly I am searching for something new and different. This is a personality trait that I would rather not have...
The first two weeks or so were hard, only because i had to acclimatize to sharing a room, working but having lots of free time, the classic bad food/water reaction (oohhh Peru) and being practically sexually harassed every time you walked down the street, among other things. Kind of negative, I know. The machisimo behavior still tends to annoy me but I think I'm over it. It makes this place even more unique. And hey, in some countries I am exotic!
It became even more difficult when we started teaching classes at the collegio, mainly because I did not know or remember any Spanish. Also, because I had class immediately after lunch, and lunch is not small ordeal in Estella's kitchen. Lunch meant a huge serving of rice, probably potatoes, large amounts of juice and maybe some salad.
Needless to say, I needed a siesta, but instead had to walk to the school and teach a bunch of post-recreo,  Elementary aged kids english....but this is what I signed up for, I kept telling myself.
Now, obviously this was hard at first. Mainly because one must establish control in the classroom before making much progress teaching. So, after about two weeks, Hjalte and I had a basic routine down. I generally was the disciplinary element and he was the funny, cool Danish guy. Our classroom Spanish was improving rapidly and my usual optimism was now back in business. Oh by the way mom, I do not ever want to be a teacher.
I then began to take things in. My mind started to calm down from the initial overstimuli of a new language and now was just rapidly processing this new world and I was thinking, what is my place here, my purpose, and what can I learn and share with others?

In La Esperanza, the district that we where living and teaching in, there is much poverty. This was something that I was aware of already.
But then, you look in the smiling faces of these sweet children who all want your attention, and you see that their teeth are rotting out. This is because all the school (at least this particular school) feeds them is sugar. Those teeth will probably fall out and be replaced with stronger ones, but it still bothers me. You walk down the street and there is trash everywhere. You look up at the sky and you notice the haze, that of pollution in the air. And sometimes you might see a child at school with their younger, infant sibling in their arms. Where are their parents? Or course this does not make Peru different than anywhere else in the world. Everywhere you have poor parenting, malnutrition, and trash in the streets. It is just more magnified in a setting where the poverty line lies far below that of my own home. I recall a girl who worked at the bodega across from the school that seemed far too thin, and had a yellowish tinge to her skin and eyes, and probably has Hepatitis or some disease of the liver. Who knows, but it affected me and kept me up for quite a few nights thinking. I kept being reminded of my own naivete, my own blissful existence at home. What is my reality? But I don't want to just sweep the dust under the rug so I don't have to think about it. I have been "aware" of my blessed lifestyle, with good health and food on the table and anything else I could ever want. This trip for example. However, I would rather be smacked in the face with this awareness then to just "be aware", which I was after those first few weeks. Now I have accepted it and moved on. It makes the overall experience much more enjoyable and allows you to be on the same level as the people you are living amongst no matter how rich or poor.

Since I have acclimatized, I've been living in another world (in the best way). It is not one so different than my own. There is love, laughter, happiness and sorrow. There is disagreement, drunkedness, and lots of dancing.  There is over feeding, lots of insisting, and after lunch I still take a siesta. There have been a few more disputes over restaurant bills than I'm used to...but, all in all, my friends in Peru and here in Ecuador are no different than any of the ones I associate myself with at home and trust me, those are some good people ;)